Executive functioning – what is it and how does it impact neurodivergent people?

Executive functioning skills fluctuate, and I reckon most people can relate to some of these areas being challenging at times. Like when you’re super stressed and you find yourself flustered, unable to think straight. You’re juggling too many things, and suddenly even the simple things are baffling.

When executive skills are hard

When it comes to neurodivergence, the challenges can be more constant, and can be – to be frank – debilitating. As with spiky cognitive profiles, neurodivergent people will tend to have higher variability between their executive skills. So when the challenging aspects are identified and supported, we can leverage our skills. In some cases, those skills are pretty… extra.

Like in the case of hyperfocus. You might struggle immensely to get yourself to stay focused long enough to finish a boring task, but find yourself with total tunnel vision and focus on certain tasks once you get going. More about hyperfocus here, but for now it’s just one example of how skills and difficulties can have huge variation within an individual.

Our capacity can also vary greatly depending on the circumstances we find ourselves in, and this too tends to be a particularly sensitive fluctuation in neurodivergent people. Our external environment (noise, light, setting, who’s around) has a big impact, as does our internal environment (stress level, how rested we are, emotional state).

Neurological differences that impact executive function

Structural differences relate to the physical properties and anatomy of the brain (e.g., size, shape, and integrity of brain structures).

Functional differences pertain to the operational aspects of the brain, including how it activates, processes information, and communicates across different regions during various tasks.

There are structural and functional neurological differences in neurodivergence that impact our executive functioning. Certain regions of the brain may have developed differently physiologically, and our brains also tend to behave differently in terms of the connectivity between regions, and the ways that information is processed.

We could go deeper into the neurology of neurodivergence and executive functioning, but for now I want to focus on the lived experience, and what we can do about it.

When the ‘easy’ tasks are the hardest to do

It’s a weird and confusing experience to be able to breeze through things that society generally classes as complex and difficult, only to feel utterly paralysed by the stuff that’s meant to be easy. It’s hard to communicate those difficulties sometimes, because you can feel like you’re being dramatic, or that it’s ridiculous the level of impact it’s having on you.

There’s also an element of self-criticism that needs to be unravelled. When you haven’t known about executive functioning and have just been trying to push through without telling anyone how hard it is, it’s easy to build up self-judgement and a strong inner critic. To start ‘motivating’ yourself by telling yourself you should just try harder and push through (only to find that this backfires, either immediately or in the long-run).

Let’s say we work together and you’ve seen me running complex projects, presenting and discussing the salient points in a way that seemed pretty impressive. You’d probably assume that I can manage my emails easily, or answer straightforward questions on the fly.

Or imagine we’re friends, and you know that I’m a brilliant listener who cares deeply about supporting my nearest and dearest. You might also think that I can easily reply to their messages, organise a birthday present or plan a trip to visit them.

But here I am, staring at the inbox with no idea how to start. Spinning with overwhelm at the prospect of figuring out what birthday present to buy, or how to plan a trip. Crazy making. These discrepancies also have an impact on important relationships when we’re not able to communicate what’s going on.

And communication is part of the positive shift once you understand your executive functioning skills better. You’re building your own self-awareness, which tends to allow for more self-compassion and patience. Then once your inner critic calms down a bit, you can also be more transparent with other people in your life. Tell them what’s going on for you, build in a bit of breathing space.

Getting support and working to your strengths

Through communicating what’s hard, you can also get support. When you can be specific about the challenges, it makes it easier to get help. Like doing an exchange with a friend who finds organisation really easy, but who could use some support with creative ideas for their business. Or recognising that paying for some help with cleaning and admin would lift your cognitive load significantly enough to warrant the spend.

There are heaps of practical adjustments you can make too. By adapting the ways you live and work to leverage your strengths and accommodate the tricky stuff, things get easier.

Here are some areas that often come up in coaching:

• Task management and planning – using apps, timers and calendars more effectively.
• Prioritisation – building in time and systems to figure out priorities and find ways to stick to them.
• Establishing routines and habits: working with motivation and rewards to get things done without so much self-punishment.
• Small steps and momentum: focusing on the smallest steps and breaking things down to get started and transition better between tasks.
• Emotional regulation and awareness: manageable mini tools to support with overwhelm and managing reactions and emotions day-to-day.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll roll your eyes if someone tells you to just write a list or do a daily plan of your priorities. I’ve tried it all. I’ve got excited about new systems and habits, only to fall off the wagon after a few days or weeks.

But when you incorporate practical adjustments that take into account a broader understanding of your neurology, it’s different. You’re not just moving deck chairs around on the Titanic. It’s the combination of developing awareness, communicating to others, getting external support, and making behavioural shifts that moves the needle slowly but surely.

Your core neurology is part of who you are, and that doesn’t change. But neuroplasticity is real, which means there’s scope for new pathways and less struggle.

I’ve seen it in myself and my coaching clients. I’m not going to pretend that it’s quick or easy, but the initial relief of self-understanding can go a long way. One of my biggest lessons here has been that perfectionism is not the name of the game when it comes to neurodivergence and executive functions. I’m simply not a consistent, steady kinda human.

The only plan that will work in the long-run is one that has flexibility and kindness baked in. You can also start to realise that you have strengths as well as challenges. When things are overwhelming it’s hard to appreciate that, but the strengths are in there too and you can start to leverage them better.

The individual support and accountability of coaching is great when it comes to working on executive functioning, but you can get started without it too.